IM-speak and the Decline of the English Language

Real post on a martial arts bulletin board:

u can wear those tae kwon do shoes...

and there shouldnt be any weapons involved in a 100% tae kwon do dojang since its a punch and kick martial art

and it will make u very acrobatic if u practice it a lot

and when sparring most of the time people wear gears so its very very hard to injure a some1 so bad that u'll get kicked out

also if u r scared that u might screw up and people would laff at u practice it b4 joining such as roundhouse kick.

When I rule the world, stupid, lazy kids are going to get their computers confiscated and be locked for the remainder of their miserable existence in a cell with nothing more than a copy of the O.E.D. and Webster's vengeful ghost. Does anyone have even the vaguest notion of how moronic writing like this makes them sound?

Since the above example comes from a person in high school, I'll have to assume that neither capitalization nor punctuation is any longer taught. Or how to frame a logical or coherent thought in your cretinous head. Quick lesson: it capitalizes the first letter in a sentence and ends said sentence with some type of punctuation mark, or else it gets the hose again. To capitalize, find a key marked "Shift" at the lower left-hand corner of your keyboard. It may have a little arrow on it too. If your keyboard lacks this feature, I highly recommend having it outfitted with one in order to avoid sounding like a retarded toddler. It's very useful. The punctuation marks are located here and there, mostly to the left of the "Enter" key, but you will know them because they're all variations of little dots and lines. OK, so maybe you won't know them, but just put something at the end of the sentence so I know when to take a breath and/or slice my wrists open, dolt.

Next, what the hell is "u"? Y, O, and U are all found nearly right next to each other on a standard keyboard, and I measure that the center of the Y is precisely 2 1/4" from the center of the O key. Is it really such a chore to move your fat, Cheeto-powder encrusted digit a couple of inches in order to type out an actual word instead of bullshit?

Apostrophes are generally used to denote possessives and contractions. What's really funny is when they leave these out, yet make the effort to use one incorrectly to show plurality, as in the following example:

"Jims dog has three ball's"

"Some1", "u'll", "b4"? I just can't get how someone who is unwilling to put forth the minimal effort required to write correctly expects me to put forth the effort to read and comprehend their ridiculously bad authorship, not to mention endure the agony of scrubbing my eyes with turpentine in an effort to cleanse them of the stupidity of what they just read. Regardless of the content - say a Unified Field Theory, a plausible treatise on the true meaning of life, or a bulletproof paper on abiogenesis - if it's written like the post in yellow above the reader comes away saying to himself only one thing: "Damn, that guy's dumb."

Note to webmasters, mods, and admin: at the first "u r", "r u", "b4", or "sum1" you run across, simply delete the entire post. Trust me, it contains nothing of value.